Monday, February 7, 2011

Tips for walking down Oxford Street on a Sunday afternoon

Tip No. 1
Don't do it!

Tip No. 2
But if you have to do it, take a deep breath before you begin. Go immediately to one of the many shops selling highly caffeinated beverages and purchase the largest size you can afford. Better yet, it helps to have a beverage of the stronger kind close to hand. After all, isn't this what hip flasks are for?

Tip No. 3
Find a couple of people, walking at the same pace as you wish to. It works better if they are holding hands or linking arms as fellow pedestrians walking towards them seem reluctant to break apart linked couples. Next, stay behind these people as long as you can. Be ready, however, to glance quickly into the nearest shop should they happen to look around. Remember, you are not a stalker. Beware of sudden detours made by your chosen couple. If they disappear into a store or down a side road, find another couple, using the same rules outlined above, as soon as possible.

Tip No. 4
Leave all unessential bags and luggage at home. Trolley cases on Oxford Street are generally only pulled by tourists and the insane.

Tip No. 5
And finally, if your visit happens to fall in the two months leading up to Christmas, please refer immediately to Tip No. 1.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My tip is generally your tip 1. But if I have visitors who actually want to see it, I normally opt for a bus ride rather than a walk. It is painfully slow as well, but then at least I am sitting and no one is invading my personal space!